My Last Goodbyes

It was late afternoon on October 19, 2018. My parents, brother, and grandma all packed themselves like sardines in the car and hiked a four and a half hour trip to visit me. Somehow, they managed to make it a 7 hour trip with all the stops. I was working at the best job I have ever had. I was so happy there. Even though it was only temporary, I gave it my all. But this particular Friday afternoon…..I was about to see my family! I hadn’t seen them since my birthday in July, and I couldn’t wait to spend time with my brother because our schedules had been so busy that I hadn’t seen him as much as I wanted to.

This whole week I spent time cleaning my apartment to prepare for my brother. While my parents and grandma stayed in a hotel, Alex stayed with me. When we finally had time to hang out after dinner, we had a good laugh because I told him I got on my hands and knees to scrub the floor to prepare for him spending the weekend. He gave me a big hug when I said that. I didn’t know it then, but this would be the hug that would forever be etched in my heart and mind. I was so tired, but I stayed up with him as long as I could to talk with him. He was the only family member I ever felt I could be myself around. And it felt so good to finally be with him.

That weekend, we packed all that we could into 48 hours. We went all around the city, ate out, and made lots of memories. Sunday after church, we ate at this fancy brunch spot to celebrate my brother and my dad’s birthday. Let me tell you….my family is not made for the fancy crowds. I never know what fork to use, or the proper etiquette, so I always stick out like a sore thumb! It didn’t matter. Alex always knew how to make us laugh, so we laughed throughout the whole brunch at ourselves!

Then, we said our goodbyes, and they were on the road. Honestly, it was a relief at the time. All the running around was exhausting, and I was ready to rest. I didn’t feel like I had enough time with Alex, but I said to myself, I only have one more month at my temp job, and then I’ll be home to spend the holidays with him again.

Fast forward to after Thanksgiving. It was Alex’s last week, and I was on the phone with my mom. She always talks with me on speakerphone, and Alex walked in and joined the conversation. I don’t remember everything, but I remember telling him how I look forward to coming home and that I wanted him to cook my favorite dishes….Eggs Benedict for breakfast….and scallops for dinner! I couldn’t wait to get home and have his cooking again. The conversation ended, and I told him bye, and that I love him. It would be my last time hearing his voice.

I was only 8 days away from completing my temp job. 8 days alway from going home and spending time with Alex. All the memories that could have been…..that should have been…..were stolen from me. Life isn’t fair, and no matter how much I wish I had done things differently, the past is already written. I could dwell on the loss, but instead, I’ll choose to remember my last goodbyes like this:

The last hug, the last goodbye, the last I love you. They all happened in really happy moments. That was Alex. Always cracking a joke, or making you laugh. It’s only fitting that my last goodbyes were all happy ones.